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Amanda Kloots is opening up about how grieving her late husband, Nick Cordero, impacted all facets of her life.
Kloots, 42, joined Brian Austin Green, Sharna Burgess and Randy Spelling for the June 24 podcast episode of Oldish and spoke about how grief changed her perception of herself.
Kloots and Cordero married in 2017 and welcomed their son Elvis, 5, in 2019 before his death in July 2020 from COVID-related complications.
During her conversation with the three co-hosts, she said that although she’s been able to turn to creative outlets to express herself, her emotions, such as grief, would hit her “in all ways.”
Kloots pointed out that as she was mourning the death of her husband, she realized her grief also altered how she felt about herself. “For instance, I realized after a while that I didn't feel feminine anymore,” said Kloots. “Because I didn't have a man that was kissing me, hugging me, telling me I'm pretty. Like, just coming around me in the kitchen and like, you know, grabbing my waist.”
Kloots candidly admitted that she felt she “lost” her femininity. “I lost feeling sexy… and then you're a mom on top of that,” she continued.
“I had to realize that, like, grief took that from me, took away that feeling, and I had to go find out how I could figure that out,” she said before revealing that she rediscovered dance again. Kloots was formerly a Radio City Rockette and Broadway dancer.
“I go to this sexy dance heels class every Monday night,” she added. “Literally, it just made me find sexiness again.”
“It made me feel like I was a woman again. And it made me feel okay with, like, touching myself again and looking in the mirror and being like, ‘Oh, yeah, like, I'm hot. I'm cute. Yeah. I got this,’ ” she continued. “I lost that.”
Although trauma and grief would become all-encompassing for Kloots, she said she had to learn how to “heal all these different parts” of herself. “I think that's a common ... you don't realize that that's a part of healing, that you are gonna have to just keep doing these leaps.”
She explained how becoming a single parent is also a part of her grief, however, she was able "to tackle life in so many different directions in order to keep moving forward,” adding, “It can't just be one thing.”
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In April 2023, Kloots spoke exclusively to PEOPLE about how she’s preparing for her son to grieve his late father.
"There have been some times where he has gotten sad where we're talking about Nick and he says, 'But Dada died,' " the Tell Me Your Dreams author told PEOPLE. "And then he'll get very, very sad, which is heartbreaking as a parent, obviously. Because in a way, I haven't had yet to deal too much with Elvis' grief."
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