Last night was the MTV Video Music Awards and I didn’t watch it because I don’t have cable and The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City was on. But I did follow all the red (OK, pink) carpet fashions on Twitter. And now it’s time to share my Top 10 Looks!
Disclaimer #1: This list will be a mix of standard gorgeous dresses, totally bonkers “I wanna go viral” choices, and skin, skin, skin! And if I don’t like you (Jared Leto) or think you’re totally overexposed (Taylor Swift), you simply won’t make the list.
Disclaimer #2: As I write this at my kitchen table, I’m wearing what can only be described as a muumuu (although I prefer the term “house dress”). So take these fashion opinions with a grain.
Megan Thee Stallion 
I love this. It’s sexy but also, somehow, classy. Is it classy? I feel like it’s classy. Either way, Megan looks beautiful.
Doja Cat
This “dress” (tatters?) answers the age-old question: “What would it look like if Doja Cat walked through a haunted house wearing only a flesh-colored thong?”
Ice Spice (ft. Lil Nas X)
Ice Spice rocked a super-lacy “Like A Virgin” bridal look on the red carpet, but I prefer her second white dress: this sexy, sheer, stitched-up curve-hugger gown. Speaking of bridal, here’s Lil Nas in white, sticking it to the Catholic church (I think).
Nicki Minaj 
More lacy bridal! But this time, it’s pink. The real question is, why does Nicki look so sad under there? Is it the fact that her groom is a registered sex offender?
Bebe Rexha 
On Monday, Bebe Rexha posted a TikTok revealing she was on the fence about attending the VMAs. She was anxious that people would criticize her body online. Ultimately, Bebe decided to show up, and she wore a black leather dress with butt cut-outs and a horse tail. Alrighty then!
Ashanti 
Wow! Turtle titties and a Nelly bag. Nelly and Ashanti dated from 2003 to 2014, and, yesterday, Ashanti revealed they were back together. Reading that headline gave me happy gossip nostalgia, until Google reminded me that multiple women have accused Nelly of sexual assault. Sigh. That certainly makes Ashanti’s clutch less fun.
Cardi B 
Page Six says Cardi’s strapless silver gown is made entirely of hair clips! And check out the matching wrist cuffs. While this dress is certainly stunning to look at, there’s no way it’s comfortable to sit in. My thoughts are with Cardi’s butt.
Olivia Rodrigo
This dress may be a little simpler than the others on this list, but I just can’t knock a metallic sparkle-gown. I debated whether to include this slinky silver look or Shakira’s sexy gold cut-out one, but Olivia won out cuz I can’t get “get him back!” out of my head.
Coco Jones
Before last night, I wasn’t familiar with Coco Jones. Wikipedia tells she’s a former Disney teen who currently stars as Hilary Banks in the gritty Fresh Prince reboot, Bel-Air. She’s also an R&B singer who just won Best New Artist at the 2023 BET Awards. Anyway, I love love love this look, especially the leather boob belt.
Saweetie
What in the Pebbles from Flintstones? Saweetie’s dress is ridiculous and I love it. Especially the pics where she’s attempting to lick the bone but her tongue can’t quite reach.
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